im going back to my hometown today...
i won't bring my laptop,
i won't bring my HD,
i won't bring my arashi stuffs,
i won't bring my books,
i won't bring my papers,
i won't bring any works,
i want to freeze everything,
i dont want to be attached of anything that i used to be called 'a dream'...
i just wanna be a daughter of my mummy and abah,
be a sister of anaz and amar,
be a little sis of along and angah,
and be an aunty of wani,
in a place where i called heaven....
i need to recover some 'things'..
i just need my old-me back..
i do only want to hibernate...
Thursday, April 17, 2008
im going back to my hometown today...
Saturday, April 12, 2008
WARNING: This post contains unrelated-feeling-emotional of yours, so if u are not interested to read it, or u have a very great day today, plz don’t spoil ur day, u can just ignore and skip this post. TQ..
sooo much pain, depression things happened in my life lately…it’s a time to burst it out but bear in minds this is not in details…as I will keep the remains inside me, just for me…
Nadiah and Sofea call aku ari ni, it is good to know that there is always someone who always cares about you…thanx to nadiah, as she tried to calm me down and tried to understand me… yes, no one could understand how close me and lily…lily, she understand me really1000x well, she always there whenever I need someone to talk to, to burst my anger, to cry or to be happy with, she is always be there for me…she can understand my feelings, my inner emotional feeling, my strength, she knows me sooo well, but somehow, on this coming 1st may, I will lose her to someone, she will not belongs to me anymore…she will not be mine…at one time aku rasa mcm tk nak balik 1may ni nnt…I want to stay here, in my rooms where all my privacy things keeps inside…but I know, she wants me to be beside her, i cant do that…yes, but the question is…do I strong enough to face it up?? I don’t know… dan pada mummy aku cerita kan segala2 nya…dia melihat aku menangis…dia mengetahui bgmana aku rasa..TQ mom!!
Aku demam…batuk + selesema yg tiba2 dtg..perit tekak panas hidung yg tiba2 menyerang…but it is good as I can look back inside myself, the good, the bad things that I hv done…yea..demam penghapus dosa…
The biggest depression things for this week…my paper for KMICE conference has been rejected…F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.E.D!!! I have put my 100% (yes even more!!) efforts in writing this paper, but that is not enough!!! the fact is maybe im not good enough now as I’m already getting older and older….but why does it happened?? am I not that good?? Somehow, buat aku terpikir, “what am I doing now?” ini jalan yg aku pilih sebelum aku decide berhenti keje dulu..tp for some reasons, I can’t reach certain standards that I have set for myself…why?? Why and why??? Berulang kali aku baca comment dr referees, but it seems that it is not that big or major mistakes, but it is just…ermm..i don’t know why..
Lost of confidence, lost of spirits…yes…my spirits somehow went down today…missing in my own path…I need something to cheer me up and in the end, late at the evening, I treat myself to the chop n steaks restaurant in serdang..
Finally, I met my supervisor to seek for his comment about that referees comment of my paper…well, he said that there is only couple of things that I need to rewrite again...but he was telling me “jgn berasa kecewa, jgn berasa frust..bayangkan kamu sedang berenang, berenang ke dasar laut, makin dalam, makin kamu nmpk cntiknya dasar itu, dan akhirnya kamu akan menjumpai sesuatu…dan tentang sesuatu itulah yg kamu nk bgtau dan tunjukkan pada semua..dont ever ever feeling give up..” this is how he said…yeah..he was a good advisor..i know that..*semangat bertambah sket*
Pn zaihisma, tempat aku merujuk about things on my studies, is going to be a permanent lecturer in Uniten starting 12th may….owh!! she will not be around at faculty right after that…rasa berat utk aku as I always discuss things that I could not really understand with her instead of discussing with my supervisor…she is really great reference for me…. *spirits went down a bit*
Late at the evening, my old good friend, jat had messaged me “wawa..hng kt ne, aku ptg mgkin nk g mkn sate kajang hj samuri”…it has been ages I don’t meet her…dan mmg nk sgt2 dn rindu nk jpe dia…and at last, dia dtg kajang!! at least, there is something that could cheer me up today!! and bersama2 aya (thanx aya!!..dlm ko skt2 perut teman aku, that time I just need teman as I feel like insecure driving alone at night…don’t know why??)..kitorg g mkn sate + nasi grg pattaya + milo ais + treat jat and aya makan…padahal, lunch td aku dh mkn kfc, and breakfast dh mkn ns lemak + blnja ros sebungkus…it feels good when you can treat or cheer someone else when u, urself is feeling down…and I always spend more my RM on foods when im depressed…that is how I am…
me n jat..jat sweets as always!!
ok, that is all for now…as I hv warned u all before, just skip this post if u are feeling reluctant to read this…it is ok for me…and I don’t mind!!
Saturday, April 5, 2008
last 2weeks, 23/o3/08 ada buat mkn2 sempena birthday wani yg ke-1 thn..hehe..kejap je budak nih dh besar...tp since gmba majlis tkde pd aku skg..ada kt future-adik-ipar (insya Allah ^^) aku...so later aa br aku letak gmba majlis 2.. skg ni, ada gmba budak tenit nih tgh dok cuba2 nk bukak adiah sendiri..so sila2 tgk ^__^
minggu lps, ari selasa (25/03/08)..after blk kelas mlm dlm kul 920pm..ujan renyai2...
pastuh kn, malang tk berbau..aku telah langgar lubang yg besar gila kt dpn fakulti kejuruteraan UPM..smpai tayar aku pecah...malang tul!!!
pastuh yg aku hangin nya..ari selasa this week, after blk kelas, waktu yg sama...lalu jln yg sama..lubang yg aku lnggr last week dh diturap!!!!
uwarghhhh!!! nape tk dr minggu lps je turap jln??? nape UPM ooohhh nape???
jadi, berterbangan laa RM bln nih..hehe...tp abah byr kn dulu, aku byr bulan2 ^^